Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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