Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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