I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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