I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
