Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
