I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
