Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
