I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
