I want to have your abortion
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
