there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
