I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
