On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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