what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
