I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
