1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm getting married
To pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
