HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
