id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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