nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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