I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
