i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
