when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
