Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
