i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
