respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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