Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
