Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I met the friendliest cop last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize