I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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