just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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