Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
