dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
