We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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