So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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