never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
