at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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