dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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