I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
