Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
