lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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