maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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