i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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