I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
