Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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