i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
