Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
