my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm like, not good at living.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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