I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
