haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
