I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
