Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
  Replies (35) Good night (4107) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.

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  (607): people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome. http://tfl.nu/mqe3
  Replies (32) Good night (3496) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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  (912): I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers http://tfl.nu/7qil
  Replies (16) Good night (4527) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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  (214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk
  Replies (75) Good night (7223) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

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  (443): You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies. http://tfl.nu/c673
  Replies (21) Good night (5136) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (31) Good night (6551) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

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  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5402) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.

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  (248): You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/57rh
  Replies (3) Good night (2495) Bad night (679)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.

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  (937): No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie. http://tfl.nu/4p3o
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.

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  (845): This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way. http://tfl.nu/f18r
  Replies (3) Good night (1163) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.

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  (804): We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt. http://tfl.nu/2b1c
  Replies (7) Good night (637) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

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  (902): Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control. http://tfl.nu/b8uq
  Replies (7) Good night (1127) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.

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  (406): Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever. (1-406): Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible. http://tfl.nu/2r6p
  Replies (3) Good night (679) Bad night (308)
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  (760): View more from California

  Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.

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  (760): Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application. http://tfl.nu/49rg
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.

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  (775): Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program. http://tfl.nu/5e2w
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt

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