I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.