there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.