hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor