I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
