Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
