my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
