I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
