hotel room ftw
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
