Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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