Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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