beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
