Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
