Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
