Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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