Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
